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What You Should STOP Doing As A Leader – Part II

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The Point: While there are a gluttony of behaviors/actions you should be doing as a leader, we thought it would be interesting to take a typical Tip of the Spear contrarian view of what you should STOP doing as a leader. As such, the following seven (7) part series was developed based on executive coaching conversations had with leaders. In reviewing these leadership behaviors/actions, see if you see a little bit of yourself in the examples provided (No doubt you know several leaders besides yourself guilty)… Enjoy!

What You Should STOP Doing As A Leader – Part II

No…

As part of her leadership develop, Meredith was conducting a one-to-one (1:1) with one of her stakeholders (She was engaging in an executive coaching initiatives known as Stakeholder Centered Coaching, popularized by Marshall Goldsmith- Executive Coaching Guru). She asking for feedback regarding how she was improving on a specific behavior that she had chosen (The behavior was listening, before speaking). In requesting feedback, the methodology of Stakeholder Centered Coaching implores a leader to respond with a simple “Thank you” and nothing more, nothing less (Keep in mind asking follow-up questions to insure that the leader has the proper context/understanding is of course allowed). And then it happened…

It wasn’t that Meredith disagreed with the feedback received (She remembered fully being in the context described). But what she didn’t agree with was the perspective her stakeholder recalled the incident with. As such, Meredith responded with a “No, no, no! You’re not considering…” and she proceeded to tell her side of the episode.

While the rest of the conversation went on rather civilly, Meredith had lost this episode, and probably future ones as well with this stakeholder because of her incessant use of the word “No.” In leadership communication skills training sessions, I’ve instructed that while it’s only two-letters, the word “No” instantly tells the other party in your communication that they are wrong, and perhaps more strongly that they are stupid.

But…

On the heels of “No” and potentially quite as damaging is the use of “But” by a leader. In Part I of this series, we discussed at length the use of “But” and proper context/alternatives that should be leveraged instead. The word “But” also shares demeaning qualities, and is one of the great disengagement/trust busters in the workplace.

However…

Similarly, the word “However” could also be lumped in (and Meredith was good at using “However!”) Use of “However” shares that stakeholders while competent, aren’t nearly as competent nor as smart as you are as a leader. If you’re point is to speak down to stakeholders, then by all means use “No,” “But,” and “However” in your leadership speech patterns. I know of one leader that employs a type of “Swear Jar” operation in the workplace, whereby anytime these three words are uttered, the guilty have to drop $20 into it (Call is the “No, But, However Jar).

If your goal is to engage those around you, align them with your vision, and move to higher ground stop using these words. Replacing “No” with “Yes,” “But” with “And,” and “However” with “I See” will allow you to maintain proper focus on your task at hand, and not destroy relationships/future feedback cycles.

SUMMARY

So in this post we’ve covered not saying “No,” “But,” and “However” in conversing with stakeholders. Alternatives that foster communication, instead of shutting it down, have been presented in return. Whatever happened to Meredith and her desired behavior change to listen before speaking? Was she able to show growth/improvement in this area? After six (6) months of working together, we realized that old habits die hard!

Sincerely yours,

 

Sam Palazzolo

PS – You may also enjoy some of the other recent posts I wrote:

Sam Palazzolo is the Managing Director at Tip of the Spear Ventures, an agile Venture Capital and Business Advisory Services firm specializing in Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Communication Skills Training for Leaders.

What You Should STOP Doing As A Leader – Part I

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The Point: While there are a gluttony of behaviors/actions you should be doing as a leader, we thought it would be interesting to take a typical Tip of the Spear contrarian view of what you should STOP doing as a leader. As such, the following seven (7) part series was developed based on executive coaching conversations had with leaders. In reviewing these leadership behaviors/actions, see if you see a little bit of yourself in the examples provided (No doubt you know several leaders besides yourself guilty)… Enjoy!

What You Should STOP Doing As A Leader – Part I

That’s Good… But

Tim was conducting one of the Monday morning kick-off meetings for his leadership team, and I was “shadowing” him as part of our executive coaching engagement. We had developed the agenda last week, sent it to all attending parties, and the meeting thus far was going off without a hitch. As a matter of fact, perhaps one of his best meetings to date (so said one of the C-Suite leaders in attendance). And then came a topic “Open for Discussion”…

As a collaborative leadership team, each person present was considered the subject matter expert in their respective part of the organization. When Tim asked for feedback on a future initiative, each leader was expected to provide perspective from their vantage point. One such leader spoke up and gave evidentiary/fact-based data regarding where such an initiative could potentially head in the coming weeks/months if launched as intended. And then Tim said it…

Questions Attract | Statements Repel

By saying “That’s good… But” what Tim was telling his leader (and all the other leaders simultaneously) was that their idea wasn’t really good at all. Instead, what came out of his mouth next was in fact the right response. Considered the one and only right answer. Perhaps even my opinion is the only one that counts!

So what could Tim have done? Instead of in an instant wiping out any/all credibility, he could have followed-up the perspective given with a question (What? Where? When? Who? and How? but never Why?)

Questions attract people (including leaders/non-leaders) to you. They reflect curiosity. They also make people comfortable with what you are saying (dare I say “Trust” you?) Making statements pushes people away from you.

SUMMARY

So in this post we’ve covered not saying “That’s Good… But” to those that work with us. Nothing undermines the leaders credibility faster than a group of employees that don’t feel like they’re part of the team, and if you have all the answers all the time, what do you really need anyone else around you for after all? Replacing that phrase with a question will draw people into the conversation, instead of pushing them away.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Sam Palazzolo

PS – You may also enjoy some of the other recent posts I wrote:

Sam Palazzolo is the Managing Director at Tip of the Spear Ventures, an agile Venture Capital and Business Advisory Services firm specializing in Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Communication Skills Training for Leaders.

The Leadership Challenge: Saying “Thank You”

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The Point: As a Marshall Goldsmith Certified Stakeholder Centered Coach (SCC), the executive coaching process typically revolves around stakeholders providing feedback to the leader on the specific behavioral actions. At the center of this feedback process, which could be good, bad, and/or ugly, is the response that the leader is to provide to those stakeholders for their “gift” of feedback… The leader is instructed simply to respond with a “Thank you” for the gift. While it appears to be a sincere moment (especially considering how some of the feedback could be far from positive, and perhaps a more belligerent response warranted), we started wondering this week how often as the leader you say “Thank you” to those you work with? More importantly, what outcomes would you receive if you included such words of thanks more frequently into interactions? So in this post, we set out to identify those “Thank you” moments, what rewards you could potentially reap from implementation, and lastly (and certainly not least), hurdles you may have to overcome in order to pull off a successful “Thank You”… Enjoy!

The Leadership Challenge- Saying Thank You

“The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between, the leader is a servant.”

— Max DePree

Leadership 101: Your Manners Count!

Every move you make as a leader in your organization will be scrutinized by your employees… Not every tenth move, nor one-hundredth… Every single move! In a line straight out of the George Cooney classic “Ocean’s 11” comes the line “Everything is on camera. Everything is being recorded!” So you too should consider the Las Vegas lifestyle as appropriate fodder for yourself as a leader when it comes to the behaviors you exhibit, and most importantly your reactions (verbal/physical).

So if everything is being observed, how can you insure that you are being “seen” as appropriate. While the typical conversation introduction begins “Hello” or “Good Morning” for example, perhaps the appropriate conclusion should be “Thank you”. Another way to think about it would be to consider if your actions were to show up on the front page of tomorrow’s CNN website… What would you want the headline or image to capture? I’m guessing something reflective of your manners, so special consideration should be considered.

The Thank You Leadership Rewards Program

So what do you have to gain in saying thanks to those you encounter? Here’s a brief list (but you’ll get the point):

  • Increased employee engagement
  • A positive work environment
  • Increased feedback of the good/bad/ugly variety
  • The ability to quickly course correct (i.e., change)
  • Better customer experiences
  • Establishing trust quicker/keeping it longer
  • Greater revenue (?)

So saying “Thank you” could very well be a game-changer for you as a leader, department, and organization. If that’s the case, why aren’t there leadership development programs, initiatives to increase communication skills training for leaders, and an overall betterment policy implemented by most organizations? The answer may come in the form of the hurdles you’ll encounter.

The “Thank You” Hurdles (or Mountains!)

Saying “Thank you” as a leader is relatively easy and effortless when times are good. Think about it… You have a great conversation about how profits are up, the sales pipeline is full, and the organization is achieving exponential growth/profitability. Telling those you work with thanks is a no-brainer (It’s simple, effortless, and should roll off the tongue like water off a ducks back).

But what if things aren’t so perfect? What if profits are down, the sales pipeline is vacant, and the organization is going backwards in growth/profitability? I’m guessing that as a leader saying “Thank you” might be at best difficult (That is if you can mutter it under your breath through clenched-teeth!) With blood-pressure skyrocketing, cheeks blushing, and thoughts racing a million miles an hour, I’m guessing that as a leader your vision is anything but clear.

One of the aspects that I’ve really enjoyed in Centered Executive Coaching comes from the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) process of meditating. Specifically, during meditation you’re encouraged to focus on your breath. If I hadn’t participated myself, I’d have little faith that simply focusing on the inhale/exhale exchange could cause me to have tremendously greater focus after meditating. As such, and for our purposes here, perhaps a few meditative moments are in order to hit the proverbial pause button as a leader so that you can gather your composure (and thoughts). Saying “Thank you” in these moments will allow you to do exactly that.

SUMMARY

So in this post on The Leadership Challenge: Saying “Thank You” we’ve covered ways in which you can identify those “Thank you” moments, the rewards available to you from implementation, and lastly hurdles you will have to overcome in order to pull off a successful “Thank You.” Saying it with true meaning counts, so best of luck in your “Thank You” endeavors!

Sincerely yours,

 

Sam Palazzolo

PS – You may also enjoy some of the other recent posts I wrote:

Sam Palazzolo is the Managing Director at Tip of the Spear Ventures, an agile Venture Capital and Business Advisory Services firm specializing in Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Communication Skills Training for Leaders.

The Leadership Challenge: Are You Mindful?

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The Point: If you’re like most of the leaders we work with here at Tip of the Spear, you’re a flame-thrower! However, lately we’ve been on a crusade to “throw flames” with much more targeted focus. In other words, instead of destroying everything in your path, focusing more on specific targets and getting better results. But there is so much that gets in your typical leaders way; Board commitments, Competing projects, Budget meetings, etc… And don’t forget about your non-professional (i.e., personal) time! This post is dedicated to a new technique, one we’ve begun implementing with much success in our Centered Executive Coaching programs that focuses on mindfulness… Enjoy!

The Leadership Challenge- Are You Mindful?

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR)

There’s a popular obsession in leading organizations and the Bay Area with mindfulness as a secret strategy to health and happiness. “Health and happiness?” you may be asking, I thought this was a post about how I as a leader can lead better (the central theme of “The Point Blog” and the leadership challenge at hand)… Well read on!

There is a growing body of evidence that suggests that MBSR has clear benefits to those that participate. Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is an 8-week program developed by Jon Kabat-Zinn (an MIT-educated scientist).

Mindfulness Techniques (including Meditation)

At the heart of this technique is harnessing one’s ability to be present (make that fully present) in the moment (each and every moment). If that’s the goal… The vehicle to arrive at that goal would be meditation. Ask yourself this question: “How hard would it be to think of one thing, just one sole thing at a time in a moment?”

Here are some of the challenges that you probably face:

  • Technology requires (no, it demands) that you fracture attention into smaller and smaller bits.
  • We answer a call from a work-colleague while attending your daughter’s soccer game.
  • We pay the bills while watching TV at night.
  • We order dinner while stuck in traffic (hope it doesn’t get cold?)

I’m Busy, You’re Busy… So What?

This is a time when no one seems to have enough time, yet we continue to have items compete for those limited time moments (read that as your capacity… You still only get 24 hours in a day, and 7 days in a week!) Technology allows us to be in several places simultaneously (in the past 24-hours, I’ve been in Missouri, Colorado, California, and India… Not a bad day, right?) However, are we in the right places at the right time, and are we in the places where we want/should be?

At the heart of mindfulness is the ability to recognize the present, not to dwell on the past or worry about the future… Simply to “be” in the present without judgment, fear, pain, or any of the other emotions. Think of MBSR as a technique that will allow you to quiet the extremely busy mind.

So What is Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Good For?

While the body of evidence as noted above is mounting, it appears as thought MBSR is good for anyone that goes into the practice with an open mind, willing to learn. Benefits of participants seem to revolve around reductions in stress, anxiety, pain, and depression.

So where does this fit in for the today’s business leader? If distraction appears to be the illness of most leaders, perhaps MBSR can be seen as the cure. The goal of mindfulness is to focus attention fully to what you are doing.  So with all this in mind, could mindfulness be the tool for dealing with the daily onslaught in the C-Suite, both emotionally and practically?

So Haven’t I Heard This All Before?

If you think you’ve heard this idea of mindfulness before, but perhaps called another name, you’re thinking along the same lines as I was! I did a lot of research regarding why leaders think the way they do, and how if you could harness the same leadership thought-patterns the average person could turn into something spectacular (Close, but no cigar!) There also is a strong religious, almost Buddhist underlying current to this whole MBSR program. Therein lies the marketing genius of Jon Kabat-Zinn.

The religious aspect of mindfulness is overcome by avoiding any talk of spirituality. Instead there is a more logical approach (think of it as common sense): If you consider your attention span a muscle, and as with any muscle it makes sense to exercise said muscle (The exercise would occur through meditation). As with any muscle that is exercise, it will develop certain muscle mass over time.

Another aspect that can be gleaned from mindfulness is what science is teaching us about the brain, and its ability to rewire itself and adapt. This study, known as neuroplasticity, suggests that there are benefits, both concrete and provable, to exercising the brain.

SUMMARY

As I mentioned earlier, we’ve begun adding a “mindfulness” approach (similar to the 8-week MBSR program) in our Centered Executive Coaching initiatives. The feedback is very positive, as leaders report greater focus, ability to concentrate as well as less wasted time, stress, and guilt. For a great read on the topic, pickup a copy of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s “Full Catastrophe Living” (catchy title, huh?) and/or visit the Institute for Mindful Leadership (http://instituteformindfulleadership.org/). If you’d like to explore Centered Executive Coaching, connect with us!

Sincerely yours,

 

Sam Palazzolo

PS – You may also enjoy some of the other recent posts I wrote:

Sam Palazzolo is the Managing Director at Tip of the Spear Ventures, an agile Venture Capital and Business Advisory Services firm specializing in Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Communication Skills Training for Leaders.

The Leadership Challenge: Can You Drive the Development of Leaders Who Transform Your Business?

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The Point: At Tip of the Spear, we’ve seen a lot of leadership development programs that have cost $Millions to conduct (Yes, that’s $Millions with an ‘M’). Typically, these programs are offered by some large, stale consulting firm that has had ‘career consultants’ (read that as those that have never lead a team/business, only worked at the consulting firm). We’re often called in afterwards to ‘mop up the leadership mess’ when the leaders that went through the leadership development training can’t drive the business forward. In this post, we’ll take a look at three (3) targets you should focus on achieving in leadership development, as well as three (3) results you should expect… Enjoy!

The Leadership Challenge: Can You Drive the Development of Leaders Who Transform Your Business?

So Much Development (A Waste!)… So Little Time!

You fly your best candidates for future leadership (sometimes referred to in the leadership development community as those assessed as ‘high potentials’ or HIPOs) into a training center environment once a month for a year to receive leadership development. They spend a week in solitude, learning from academics about leadership methodology, working in teams to analyze case studies, and role-playing “If I was the leader” scenarios in a ‘friendly’ classroom environment. Hundreds of thousands of dollars ($$$,$$$) are spent on each candidate. So what do you receive in return? Is it an elite leadership squad, ready to handle any/all challenges to drive the business forward? We doubt it…

What’s Your Leadership Development Target?

Ask yourself, or your Chief Human Resources Officer (CHRO) or even your Chief Learning Officer what the targets were for leadership development. Typically, you’ll receive an answer that’s akin to ‘To broaden the skill set of the leader in training to align with the challenges of today, as well as tomorrow.’

That sounds good, but what will you focus on? At Tip of the Spear, we believe that you’ll hit every target if you never aim… Because any attempt will do/suffice! In other words, if you don’t have specific targets in mind, you’ll always be lulled into a false send of leadership security by thinking that you’ve hit your target.

The Leadership Challenge: Three Targets to Aim For!

Your development offering should look to target the following broad-based targets:

  • Engaging Teams (Those directly overseen, as well as those with parallel support)
  • Satisfy Customers (You can go grandiose and identify how to delight, but asking a customer if they had a satisfactory experience, would they come back for retention capture, and if they’d advocate on your behalf to friends/colleagues should suffice)
  • Driving Strategy (Think of this as the all too important implementation phase of change management)

NOTE: You can/should drill-down on these topics so that they are not only department specific, but specific to each of the leader’s being developed subject matter expertise.

Results Matter… You Better Manage Them!

To get results from your talent development initiative, we recommend that you follow the following four-step process:

  1. Anchor initiative to business goals
  2. Map out learning journeys that not only diagnose, but develop leadership skills
  3. Transition leaders to the next level as soon as possible
  4. Prove impact through key performance indicator (KPI) measurement and sustain results through proper management

What Results Should You Expect?

So in the end, we know that results are all that matter… But what results should you expect? We typically look to provide the following three leadership development results:

  • The Right Leaders Prepared
  • Ready for Business and changes Therein
  • In the Right Locations at the Right Time Where You Need Them!

Summary

I hope you enjoyed the post. If so, don’t forget to click on the ‘Like’ and ‘Share’ buttons and tell others who may find it useful. Also, I would love it if you would take a minute to comment on this post (That’s the BEST encouragement for me to continue to write and share!)

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Sam Palazzolo

PS – You may also enjoy some of the other recent posts I wrote:

Sam Palazzolo is the Managing Director at Tip of the Spear Ventures, an agile Venture Capital and Business Advisory Services firm specializing in Executive Coaching, Leadership Development, and Communication Skills Training for Leaders.