John was a C-suite leader that had been recommended to us by his board of directors for a coaching engagement (Centered Executive Coaching: Leader Centered Coaching program) and participate in The Leadership Challenge development program. The company he belonged to was growing at a +25% annual growth rate, but John’s area of the company was coming in short (<10%). While John had many of the same talented people in his department (The organization had a cross-functional organization chart, allowing them to share team members based on assignment), leadership was looking for improvement out of John.
In our first initial interview, where we determine alignment of the coaching initiative as well as outline future steps, John was shall we say a little “defensive” of his performance thus far for the year. In fact, John was downright full of excuses when it came to his performance. It appeared as though it was everyone but John’s fault for the department’s lack of performance.
With this lack of performance in mind, and John’s lack to accept responsibility, we provided him with an exercise on alibis. Here is a list of the most commonly used alibis we presented to him. Our instructions were for him to read the list, and examine himself carefully for each item and determine how many of these alibis were his own property (ownership):
- IF I didn’t have a wife and family…
- IF I had enough “pull”…
- IF I had money…
- IF I had a good education…
- IF I could get a job…
- IF I had good health…
- IF I only had time…
- IF times were better…
- IF other people understood me…
- IF Conditions around me were only different…
- IF I could live my life over again…
- IF I did not fear what “they” would say…
- IF I had been given a chance…
- IF I now had a chance…
- IF other people didn’t “have it in for me”…
- IF nothing happens to stop me…
- IF I were only younger…
- IF I could only do what I want…
- IF I had been born rich…
- IF I could meet “the right people”…
- IF I had the talent that some people have…
- IF I dared assert myself…
- IF I only had embraced past opportunities…
- IF people didn’t get on my nerves…
- IF I didn’t have to keep house and look after the children…
- IF I could save some money…
- IF the boss only appreciated me…
- IF I only had somebody to help me…
- IF my family understood me…
- IF I lived in a big city…
- IF I could just get started…
- IF I were only free…
- IF I had the personality of some people…
- IF I were not so fat…
- IF my talents were known…
- IF I could just get a “break”…
- IF I could only get out of debt…
- IF I hadn’t failed…
- IF I only knew how…
- IF everybody didn’t oppose me…
- IF I didn’t have so many worries…
- IF I could marry the right person…
- IF people weren’t so dumb…
- IF my family were not so extravagant…
- IF I were sure of myself…
- IF luck were not against me…
- IF I had not been born under the wrong star…
- If it were not true that “what is to be will be”…
- IF I did not have to work so hard…
- IF I hadn’t lost my money…
- IF I lived in a different neighborhood…
- IF I didn’t have a “past”…
- IF I only had a business of my own…
- IF other people would only listen to me…
- IF *** and this is the greatest of them all ***
If this list looks familiar to you, you may have seen a version of it in the classic “Think and Grow Rich” by Napoleon Hill. The list is tucked away in the back of the book, in a section that is must reading for any leader titled “How to Outwit the Six Ghosts of Fear.”
John came away from the exercise realizing that while many of his alibis were professional in nature, those that were truly holding him back were his personal ones. A modification therein allowed him to move closer to established goals.
What’s the Point? Analyze your weaknesses and overcome them, instead of building alibis to cover them.